Monday, November 7, 2011

relationships: fighting fair

so you've seen what i do AFTER a fight
but you don't want to see what happens DURING a fight

i fight dirty
i have all brothers and learned from the best
i take every kidney & below the belt shot i can
i'm tough and i'm ghetto

craig is slowly starting to realize this and to what extent
for example, when i hear the word 'shank'
i think of some one getting stabbed
he thinks of hitting a golf ball
only slight differences???

anyways, these are not necessarily things that are good for a loving and lasting marriage

so after our big bowl of make-up soup
craig started talking to me about war crimes
and how i basically murder the spirit of marriage when i'm angry
{this very much could be true}

so in effort for a healthier marriage
we came up with rules
rules to fighting fair

this is what we agreed to:
1. acknowledging our feelings asap
this is to address our concerns at that point in time instead of days, weeks or even months later
resentment is not a good thing
let it out!

2. taking a time out
this is basically for me
craig is calm all the time... i'm a little spastic
i need time to walk away, freak out and come back to have a more rational conversation

3. two minute timer
you set a timer for two minutes, one person talks to address what is upsetting them
when the time goes off, the other person repeats and summarizes what they heard to make sure there is no misunderstanding

4. two minute timer again
repeat but the listener now does the talking

5. compromise
try to reach a compromise

6. repeat if not resolved

basically it involves listening, talking, revising and repeating
it's not perfect, just like our marriage
but it's a step in the right direction!

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